Like many First Nations youth, my childhood was not easy. My family experienced the full impacts of colonial violence including residential schools through poverty, substance use, sex work and incarceration. I experienced the child welfare system and was in and out of foster care growing up. My dad was in and out of prison. Despite these challenges that many of us know too well, we had a saying in my family of six kids: “We may be poor, but we are rich in love".
I love my mom and dad so much and I know that they did the best that they could under the circumstances – we don't know what we don't know. The survival tools they taught us are the only ones they have known all their lives. Those tools, good bad or indifferent, helped get them through traumatic and extremely challenging times. However, as I have reflected on this through counselling, I realized that, in a way, I was conditioned without them realizing it. I was conditioned to also cope with my trauma and hurt using drugs and alcohol because that is how my mom and dad coped.
I have always been connected to my culture. From a very young age I have participated in ceremony as a sun dancer. My dad and Grandpa introduced me to ceremony when I was a little girl. Even though my dad used substances, he still showed me how to pray and smudge; he taught me about the sacredness of medicines like tobacco, sage, cedar, and sweet grass and brought me to sweat lodges, pipe ceremonies, drumming, singing and taught me protocol. These teachings and this time with my dad have stuck with me my whole life, because even though I was using substances like my dad, I knew that I was still sacred. I knew that my ancestors still loved me and even though I was using I knew that I deserved to heal and deserved ceremony. It's in our blood, it's our inherent right.
This sacred connection to culture was extremely important to me, especially as I experienced continued trauma and loss. When I was 18, my dad and brother both overdosed in the same year. This left a huge hole in my life, and I didn't have the tools to cope in a healthy way. I fell very heavily into drugs and alcohol and it was a very hard time in my life.
Fast forward to the Christmas of 2022, which was a dark time for me as well as a turning point in my life. I had spent that Christmas alone and wandering around Hastings Street sad and looking for a way out, any way out. I decided my way out was to numb it all. I had acquired random drugs that I found from somebody on the block. I had not tested them purposefully and had intended on using. I had called a friend before I did this and asked her to come over. I didn't want to be alone anymore. She had said she couldn't as it was already five in the morning and it was a 45-minute bus ride. I did not tell her my plan. I woke up to her administering Narcan. I remember saying, “I thought you weren't coming over." She said, “I just had a feeling, so I came."
Looking at sobriety and substance use through a harm reduction lens matters so much to me and others who use substances, as it saved my life. I respect and am grateful that Narcan was there. I know there are many of our family members and community members who do not have the same story outcome, and we miss them dearly.
Having been involved in ceremony for such a long time, knowing how to fire keep, use sacred medicine – and to be included in community – really has helped me to be the strong person I am today. As I continue this journey, there are many learned behaviors I need to unlearn. The coping mechanisms that I have used in the past have got me to where I am right now. However, this way of coping and being does not serve me anymore. What does serve and support me is accessing mental health care, doctors, ceremony, healing circles, attending Alcoholics Anonymous/Narcotics Anonymous and “well-briety" meetings. Being with community and others that are going through or have experienced similar trauma is an important part of the journey. We are not alone.
I want others to know and remember that the things we have done or the actions we have taken because of our substance use do not define us. Those actions were done out of character. Those who use substances, or those who are supporting loved ones on this journey, must remember to not add additional shame or guilt. You deserve your community, and you matter. I am not in that place anymore and it won't last forever – the despair doesn't last forever, and neither will it for you.
Hiy hiy, all my relations.
Resources
For more information and support on Treatment and Harm Reduction, please visit our website for previous year's Sober for October messages.
Learn more about Strengthening Our Connections to Promote Life: A Life Promotion Toolkit by Indigenous Youth.
Learn more about how to Talk about Substance Use with friends, family and loved ones.
Hear from members of FNHA Youth Advisory Committee speak on the importance of harm reduction through the Overdose Awareness Campaign.
Wellness and Cultural Supports
- FNHA Mental Health and Wellness Supports page
- Tsow Tun Le Lum: Call toll-free 1-888-403-3123 or visit www.tsowtunlelum.org
- KUU-US Crisis Line Society: a 24-hour provincial Indigenous crisis line. Adults and Elders call 250-723-4050; Children and Youth call 250-723-2040. Toll-free 1-800-588-8717. Learn more at www.kuu-uscrisisline.com
- Indian Residential School Survivors Society (IRSSS): Call toll-free 1-800-721-0066 or visit www.irsss.ca
- First Nations and Inuit Hope for Wellness Help Line: Phone toll-free 1-855-242-3310 or chat online at www.hopeforwellness.ca
- The Métis Crisis Line: available 24 hours a day at 1-833-MétisBC, 1-833-638-4722
